Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
