Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
