im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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