So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
