I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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