Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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