Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I cut my penus on the lid.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You are the jesus of drinking
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
