I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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