I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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