**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
