two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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