no you cant smoke seaweed
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
