any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
