I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I believe in your delicious
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
