i don't like sucking hair
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
