She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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