chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
