this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
