i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
