I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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