I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
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