I like my sex mixed with concussions.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
