4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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