ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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