I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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