just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize