clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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