If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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