I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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