she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Randomize
