So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
