the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
