I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
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I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
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After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize