Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
