I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
