Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
