Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I want a musical about memes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
