Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
love makes seman taste better
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
