We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
