dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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