Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
