He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
