So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
