HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
