i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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