But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
