Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
only you would photoshop your dick
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
