my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
