her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Randomize
