i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
