what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
