What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
