im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
