Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
