If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
