I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
COCAINE IS GR8
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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