Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
