Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
