I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
smell my finger.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
