Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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