Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Randomize
