i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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