Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Let's get the cat blown out
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
