just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sex in the backyard? Check.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
