In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
