3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
