girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
