I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
