I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize