just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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