i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
The air taste purple.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
