I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You took a bar mat shot.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
