My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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