Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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