I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
