Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
