so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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