he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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