after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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