did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
