I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
