Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
