i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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