You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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