There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
