he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
