Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
