i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize