I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
