OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
